too

[and now for a hole into my brain]

i reach a creach state
a state where the two brains collide
the epidermis
and the underdermis
"I followed all the rules man
and it didn't lead me anywhere"
"you have to pat someone in the back"

[then you have to lay there like all the other dogs
is that what you mean
is that what you are trying to say but not saying it?]


i followed all the rules
I passed all courses with good or better grades
I struggled with some too

programming didn't come natural to me it wasn't in my instinct
now i understand it mostly at the logical imperatives level
if you do this you will get this
or if you do that a number of times ...

but if you throw me the Dos and the Loops and the For I's
I don't get anything

I got a very distant feeling for it
i understood it at the level of example
if you use this program to compute the prime numbers then to compute the numbers to 1000
it would be the same, or similar

thus i struggled

and all the kids i teach afterwards
I could only explain it at that symbolic level

I can't explain why FOR has three letter and not two

[unless I resort to my unpleasant and exquisitive internal language
umbiguous and uncompromising]